Discussing sex and sexual problems with teenagers can be a intimidating task, especially for parents. The way media venues depict sex and sexuality has shaped societal perceptions and created an openness that was a lot more muted when I was a woman. When my daughter was getting ready to enter middle school I felt we had a need to have a discussion on the ramifications and risks associated with sex. newyork5starescorts.com My daughter had already told me about a fourteen year old girl she knew was pregnant and a thirteen year old peer who had already had an STD twice. This last little bit of information have been garnered in the sex education curriculum the institution district used within ‘health’ in the sixth grade for children whose parents gave permission for his or her child to wait the class.
Opening and sustaining a shared dialog between teens and a parent is paramount as, developmentally and emotionally, most teens are somewhere within adolescence and adulthood no matter what their chronological age. Serious discussions, especially concerning peers or social-emotional issues should be approached carefully. The key is to not alienate teenagers by minimizing the value of these knowledge or experience, to be casual instead of demanding, not to lecture, also to include them in the discussion. Parents have to listen and talk no matter what the main topics a discussion is they’re having with their sons and daughters.
To make certain I was well informed and able to take on this task I did so research on the Internet and at the neighborhood public library. I garnered information from the neighborhood chapter of Planned Parenthood and the County Health Department. I got statistics on teen pregnancy, single parents, and other data from the Kansas Kids Count book. All states collect statistical data by city, county, township, and offer that data through some type of written source. At that point I felt ready to sit back and attempt to speak to my daughter, hoping she wouldn’t be too embarrassed to talk with her ‘mother’.
I waited until my son, who was ten at that time, was on a camping trip along with his Boy Scout troop. My husband worked second shift and was at work. I was watching a movie with my daughter on television and I casually introduced the subject of boys, asking if she had a boyfriend. I was well aware that parents are often the last to know whenever a child has her first boyfriend. Although my daughter did not have a boyfriend yet, she added that she didn’t want a boyfriend because guys expected the girl to stop all her friends, didn’t want them to have other regular friends who were boys, and just wanted sex, whether that has been oral sex or physical copulation. She had learned this from the close girlfriend who was dealing with her first boyfriend and who had confided in my own daughter, needing someone to speak to.
This is the opening I had been waiting for. First I told my daughter that I wasn’t attempting to insinuate she had engaged in heavy petting or sex, and I wasn’t attempting to lecture, that I simply wished to make sure she had the various tools and knowledge needed if she were ever drawn to a man physically or emotionally. I told her to jump in and correct me if she felt I were wrong or misguided about anything, to i want to know easily was making her feel uncomfortable, also to share any information that she may have since my intent had not been to lecture or coerce.
I talked about the lengths many boys would go to get physical including telling the lady he loved her and would never cheat on her and if she loved him she would engage in a sexual act with him, or threatening to break up with the girl if she’d not surrender to his sexual advances. My daughter added that a peer had also suffered through the experience of having a guy tell his friends and male peers at school they had “oral sex”, an act which hadn’t even taken place.
This in turn resulted in a discussion on how a woman might respond to an identical situation. I gave my sympathy for what the other girl was going through by stating that lie had to be very painful for the lady. I also explained that lots of guys, during their teen years often liked to brag about their conquests whether real or implied, as a way to convince peers of their sexual prowess. We discussed some options my daughter’s friend usually takes, including ignoring the guy and any of his friends who might make advances or snide remarks, to inform the guy that she feels sorry that he has to lie as a way to feel important, or simply tell him she is not even likely to dignify his lie with a reply.
My daughter responded that when it happened to her she’d tell the guy loudly and before his friends, “maybe in your dreams” with heavy sarcasm. This is among teenage bravado, something that could hold my daughter and other teens in good stead. I agreed that creating embarrassment for a man might work. By having a mutual and open dialog from the very beginning, I could interject various information. My daughter added little tidbits and asked some very intelligent questions.
At one point I stressed to my daughter that I hoped she would wait until marriage and that I was not condoning sexual activity beyond marriage. I added that I was aware that I would haven’t any control over any decision she would eventually make regarding any sex or when she thought we would become sexually active and that my main goal was to get ready her for that eventuality. We discussed different sexually transmitted diseases and their symptoms, even though kids in the community had received a few of that information during sex education.
My daughter brought up the subject of peers who took alternate precautions in order to avoid an unwanted pregnancy as the male did not want to wear a prophylactic. I was then able to let her understand that the sexual ‘myths’ that lots of uninformed teens believe are a complete fallacy. Those myths included using the rhythm method would dramatically reduce the probability of an unwanted pregnancy, as would getting the young man pull out of the girl’s body before ejaculating, and learning when the fertile the main girl’s cycle using body’s temperature, etc. to be sure they did not engage in sex during that time period.
I was asked about oral sex and if the act was sex, by itself? My response was that yes, this is a sexual act that served to safeguard the guy from having a girl get pregnant, but that it is degrading to the lady and disrespectful. The lady could still get STDs like herpes and Chlamydia and AIDS, as could the guy, based on how promiscuous both parties had been in the past. It was through the discussion on oral sex that I learned that a significant large number of my daughter’s peers were participating in that sexual act as ways to “pleasure their boyfriends and not get pregnant.”
I talked to my daughter, and later, my son, concerning the different types of love including infatuation, hormonal, lust, love for someone of the contrary sex that was non-sexual, and the deep emotional love that comes with the maturity of adulthood. I explained a relationship, at any age, can rarely be sustained for any length of time if it’s built primarily on sex, which was also one major reason many relationships result in divorce court or separation and abandonment if the couple isn’t married.
Last, I asked my daughter to consider weighing any future decisions she might consider regarding sex very carefully, considering all the advantages and disadvantages. To use protection as a means of avoiding STDs also to combine the usage of a prophylactic with a foam or other contraceptive as a prophylactic can be, or become damaged. I also told her I knew she’d never arrived at me with the info that she was going to engage in sex but that I’d let her then twenty-six year old half sister know that she had my permission to help her get birth control pills at that time. I did are the information that abstinence is the only guarantee she wouldn’t get an STD or get pregnant.